Boy or Girl? In Defense of Waiting

If you hadn't figured it out yet, David and I aren't finding out what the gender is of our little baby til he/she arrives - didn't when we could have, and don't plan on it for any future kiddos.

It's funny because it was the first thing both of our parents said to us when we told them we were expecting -- "Don't find out what you're having!!!" Completely unsolicited from us, both sets of 'em were pretty adamant about their opinion and definitely wanted to make sure we knew it.

Before that, we weren't really planning on finding out, for a multitude of reasons, but it was still funny to see their reactions and for them to agree on something in general! :)

What are our reasons, you ask? Good thing I'm gonna make a handy-dandy list of all the reasons we chose not to find out, and will continue to do so for our future children.

Reason #1: Save $$$

Because we are newlyweds, recent graduates from college, and low on the cashola front, a big reason we chose not to find out the gender was to save money. David works in the financial field, and heard from different coworkers and other new parents that not finding out if you're having a little girl or boy is super helpful when it comes to saving money.

If you don't find out boy vs. girl, you're much less likely to buy gender-specific items that can only be used for that gender, especially of the big-ticket items (bright pink carseat, or a bunch of truck-themed nursery furniture). It just makes common sense to buy gender-neutral items if you're planning on having more than one child! (It's also more environmentally friendly, which is always good.)

little over the top, no?

If you're anything like me, not finding out also helps relieve the enormously magnetic pull that cute baby things have, especially when browsing Target. I am a complete sucker for cute baby things - as are most women, I'm pretty sure, and especially pregnant women with crazy baby hormones running through their veins. If we knew we were having a little girl, I guarantee pretty much every trip I've taken to Target would have resulted in "just one or two!" cute little girl things thrown in the cart, which definitely adds up after 9 months of waiting.

Because we don't know what we're getting around May 23, I can browse those sections all I want when I'm in Target, but can't buy any of them because it would just be a waste of time. (I'll admit to buying ONE set of cute gender-neutral leggings that were on super clearance, only because I couldn't pass them up...$1.98? Heck yes.)

Reason #2: Name Picking

One of the funnest things about pregnancy, in my opinion, is trying out a bunch of different names for the little person that's coming soon. Of course, this is also one of the hardest parts, but David and I have loved trying to decide what our little one's name options are. We definitely don't have the same taste in anything names (anyone who knows us in real life knows the truth of that statement) so it's been both entertaining and ...interesting to try and decide on names.

If we knew we were having a boy, we'd have had half the amount of discussions about names by this point. What fun is that? Having multiple options for each gender is super fun. I can't imagine narrowing that down into just one or the other because it's just so much fun, y'all. 

I've also heard many a horror story of mamas and dads knowing the gender, picking the name, and telling it to their friends/relatives/acquaintances -- then getting a bunch of negative feedback on the name. If we spend so long trying to pick one out, I could not care less what you think of it! If we don't know the gender, we don't even have the option of spoiling it for ourselves.

Sorry if you thought I was going to share our names here. Fooled you! We're keeping them under wraps til the big reveal.

Reason #3: Zero Disappointment

Early on in the pregnancy, I was really hoping for a girl, and David was really hoping for a boy. I think we've pretty much reversed our opinions now -- I'm secretly hoping it's a boy and David's loving the idea of a little girl. Especially as new parents, we're constantly changing our opinions about literally every parenting decision we've made so far, and I'm pretty positive that isn't going to change anytime soon.

Not knowing the gender has (obviously) made both of us open to either gender, for the entirety of the pregnancy. If we had found out at our ultrasound, one or the other of us was bound to be at least a tiny bit disappointed with the news, even if we'd never admit it. And if we found out, we would've had no option to go back and reverse that decision. And we've both changed our opinions since then! 

Reason #4: Best Guessing Game Ever

One of my other favorite things about not knowing what we're having is that it's just a constant topic of conversation - whether between David and me, our parents, our siblings, friends, other pregnant women, strangers on the street, etc. etc. People are beyond excited to look at my belly and pass their judgement on what they think it's going to be. Kinda hard to do if you know what you're having, eh? (Unless just you two find out and don't share...which, if so, you have more stamina than I ever could).

I have actually quite a few pregnant friends who are expecting around the same time as me - two found out what they're having, and two didn't. All we can talk about when we get together is what the baby's going to be! It's so fun to compare belly sizes and shapes and see the differences and to wonder if that's the cause.

If you find out, you also don't get the fun of participating in the old-wives-tale tests (the pencil test, shape of your belly, the Drano test, Chinese birth predictors, etc.) at showers and just for fun.

In case you're curious, every one of my "tests" has predicted a boy, and David and I both have strong feelings that it's a boy. :)

Reason #5: Making Labor Worth It

The biggest mental and emotional reason we decided not to find out was really for my sake more than anything - to have a goal when going into labor. Of course moms who know what they're having still have the goal of finally meeting and holding their baby when they go into labor - I am not saying they don't at all. 


But as a first time mom, one who's pretty nervous about the whole thing, one of the biggest motivators for me is going to be finding out what the little baby is at the end of the whole painful ordeal! We've been talking a lot about ways to keep your "eyes on the prize" in our Lamaze class, and this is definitely going to be my biggest motivator when I finally do go into labor.

Most, if not all, of these reasons are going to continue for the rest of our kiddos - because I don't think we'll ever find out what we're having. If you're expecting I'd love to hear your opinion on finding out - and if you're not, maybe these reasons will sway you into holding off on the big reveal! 

Thinking baby thoughts -


  1. I didn't find out either of ours (little girl and new baby boy) and loved it. I especially appriciated how not knowing seemed to open my heart a little bit more to who God has placed inside me, and not come up with preconceived ideas of just what kind of girl or boy I was going to have, it also kept me praying for my child

    1. Got cut off, praying for them and praying about them, asking The Lord what name HE had picked for this child (I know you could do all these things with knowing, I jut feel like not knowing helped) and I figure in the end, if god really wanted us to know before te big reveal, those predictor tests would be more than 50% accurate ;)

  2. Sounds like fun waiting to find out at birth. I'm a planner and so I could not wait with my four kiddos. I love the comic you used in #5. :o)

  3. how to plan baby boy & girlmatters which methods have one chosen. I know it is hard to choose among these thousand methods and one might get easily confused. People should always go for the natural methods they have in their option rather going for any tricky methods.


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