20 January 2015
Relishing this stage
Right now, I'm listening to Kate cry (and cry, and cry) on the baby monitor while I attempt to spend some down time with myself before the next batch of work comes in. (We're cutting out the pacifier cold turkey, hence the crying, but that's another post for another day.)
I have this (horrible, no good, very bad) tendency to always be looking forward to the next, better thing in my life. When Kate goes down for a nap, I'll be able to be productive. When I'm done with this work project, I'll be able to relax. When Kate's a few months older, everything will be so much easier. When I stop working, I'll be able to cook more. When we can afford to move, I'll be more organized. When I have more time, I'll work on my spiritual life.
And on and on. For much too long, I've lived my life looking forward into some better tomorrow I've imagined.
When I was in college, I dreamt about being married and having babies. Now that I'm in that stage of my life, I'm looking forward to the next - when I can talk and play with my kids, when I can have a few more than a few hours alone to myself, etc. etc.
As I was watching Kate play last night, I realized I needed to take a lesson from a baby - my baby. Kate doesn't know what's coming in the future - and she really can't remember the past. She lives moment to moment, relishing in what the present has for her. Good or bad, she takes it in stride, and literally cannot compare it to anything else she's experienced because she doesn't know how.
I need to be more like her.
I need to relish in where I am, right now.
I know that someday I'm going to miss these days, when I've just got one baby to care for and a job that I love.
I need to appreciate what I have right here, right now - and stop procrastinating my dreams and goals in hope of some greater or easier tomorrow.
Here's to living in the days that we have, without regret, and to learning to love and appreciate the times in our lives the way they are right this very moment.